a guest manifesto by Emma Gerigscott
Advice if you find yourself stressed and unable to care for yourself:
- Run a hot bath
- Put in three thai birdseye chilis
- And a venison roast
- Put cucumber slices on your eyes (leave eyes open)
- the rest of the cucumber can be wedged into your anus
- OIL! Glug glug some oil in there
- Take an antique pitchfork
- Stir stir stir
- Take the cucumber out
- Hm, bit of poop on it
- Drop it in, too
- Now begin to sob
- And order Door Dash cupcakes
- Write in lipstick on the mirror
- BLOODY MARY BLOODY MARY
- Craving a bloody mary?
- You’re in luck, because what you’ve just made in the bath
- Is an excellent bloody mary base.
- Just add shrimp!
Lastly, put on that blindfold that says MOMMY TIME
And eat cupcakes while you watch FRIENDS. (Yes, you have a blindfold on, but who really needs to watch FRIENDS when the dialogue is so so amazing?)
Wake up feeling refreshed and just as insecure as the day before!
LIFE IS GREAT GO TO THE BEACH