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Manifesto #21: A Hacker’s

                  ==Phrack Inc.==

                    Volume One, Issue 7, Phile 3 of 10

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The following was written shortly after my arrest...

                       \/\The Conscience of a Hacker/\/

                                      by

                               +++The Mentor+++

                          Written on January 8, 1986
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        Another one got caught today, it's all over the papers.  "Teenager
Arrested in Computer Crime Scandal", "Hacker Arrested after Bank Tampering"...
        Damn kids.  They're all alike.

        But did you, in your three-piece psychology and 1950's technobrain,
ever take a look behind the eyes of the hacker?  Did you ever wonder what
made him tick, what forces shaped him, what may have molded him?
        I am a hacker, enter my world...
        Mine is a world that begins with school... I'm smarter than most of
the other kids, this crap they teach us bores me...
        Damn underachiever.  They're all alike.

        I'm in junior high or high school.  I've listened to teachers explain
for the fifteenth time how to reduce a fraction.  I understand it.  "No, Ms.
Smith, I didn't show my work.  I did it in my head..."
        Damn kid.  Probably copied it.  They're all alike.

        I made a discovery today.  I found a computer.  Wait a second, this is
cool.  It does what I want it to.  If it makes a mistake, it's because I
screwed it up.  Not because it doesn't like me...
                Or feels threatened by me...
                Or thinks I'm a smart ass...
                Or doesn't like teaching and shouldn't be here...
        Damn kid.  All he does is play games.  They're all alike.

        And then it happened... a door opened to a world... rushing through
the phone line like heroin through an addict's veins, an electronic pulse is
sent out, a refuge from the day-to-day incompetencies is sought... a board is
found.
        "This is it... this is where I belong..."
        I know everyone here... even if I've never met them, never talked to
them, may never hear from them again... I know you all...
        Damn kid.  Tying up the phone line again.  They're all alike...

        You bet your ass we're all alike... we've been spoon-fed baby food at
school when we hungered for steak... the bits of meat that you did let slip
through were pre-chewed and tasteless.  We've been dominated by sadists, or
ignored by the apathetic.  The few that had something to teach found us will-
ing pupils, but those few are like drops of water in the desert.

        This is our world now... the world of the electron and the switch, the
beauty of the baud.  We make use of a service already existing without paying
for what could be dirt-cheap if it wasn't run by profiteering gluttons, and
you call us criminals.  We explore... and you call us criminals.  We seek
after knowledge... and you call us criminals.  We exist without skin color,
without nationality, without religious bias... and you call us criminals.
You build atomic bombs, you wage wars, you murder, cheat, and lie to us
and try to make us believe it's for our own good, yet we're the criminals.

        Yes, I am a criminal.  My crime is that of curiosity.  My crime is
that of judging people by what they say and think, not what they look like.
My crime is that of outsmarting you, something that you will never forgive me
for.

        I am a hacker, and this is my manifesto.  You may stop this individual,
but you can't stop us all... after all, we're all alike.

                               +++The Mentor+++

#1. Go to the gym more. Bring along your fun new presents: yoga mat, kettlebells, sneakers, Bombas, gird up, wow you already look great! The parking lot is so busy here at this gym. Which is named Jim’s Gym. Sign up for a yoga class? Sign up for a yoga class! Nice shakras, bud! Go for a swim. Jog on that machine. Are you listening to an intellectually-stimulating podcast? Good for you! Take a steam. Sweat it out, sweat it all out. Feel the past vanish into the nothingness. Who needs history? Hey, look, people in the steam room! Hi, new gym friends. Isn’t Jim’s Gym great? Mostly? New gym friends look away, look down. Hm. Strange. Jim doesn’t work here anymore? What happened to Jim? Put on your new headlamp. Try that door that says “Do Not Enter.” It’s dark in here. Is this still Jim’s Gym? Are those sounds all the sounds of all the people in all the world running in place? It’s like heart attacks. It smells like feet. Turn on the headlamp. Tunnel. Tunnel. At least you’re getting steps, good job! Turn right. Turn left. These Bombas are comfy. Right again. Pause for downward facing dog. That’s better. Turn left. Right. Right. A door. It says: ENTER. What’s behind it? Open carefully. See anything familiar? Do you see…could it be…is it you? There, jogging contentedly on a machine, listening to the very best podcasts, looking totally fab?

#2. Resolvewordy v. late 14 censury, “melt, dissolve, reduce to liquid” as in “the butter has resolved to ghee” intransitive sense from century 1404 Old French resolver as in “geez don’t shoot me I’m unarmed you effing resolver” or directly from Latin resolvere “to loosen, loose, unyoke, undo; explain; relax; set free; make void, dispel,” e.g. “I resolve thy demons from thee!” e.g. “there there beast of burden let me get that for you poor fella” from re-, perhaps intensive, or “back” (see re-) (as in sore my achy achy) + solvere “to loosen, untie, release, explain,” e.g. “let me resolve that for you stupid” from PIE *se-lu-, from reflexive pronoun *s(w)e- (see idiom) + root *leu- “to loosen, divide, cut apart.” Once they were solved and then they were not and now again we have resolved the family we have strived so long to escape from early 15 censors as “separate into components” hence of course the use in optics (1785). See Light Manifesto. Meaning “determine, decide upon” from a Tuesday afternoon late October 1520s southwestern edge of continent hence “pass a resolution” (1580s). For sense evolution, compare resolute (adj.). Related: resolved; resolving.

#3. Resolve to write manifestos/write manifestos. Then

Enter kitchen late afternoon.
Who took down all the old resolutions?
How can we know what we are set here to do?
And, shit, where did the manifestos go?
Was it you?
Hon?
Honey?
Honey-hon?
The phone rings.
Mom—evasive, as always.

#4: Nature does not resolve. We are of nature. Therefore we do not resolve.

Manifesto #19: Character-through-suffering

Manifesto #18: L.A. Rain Driving

L.A. Rain Driving is the hardest thing you will ever do in your entire life so to prepare first begin with Self-Care Manifesto.

Do not refer to Futurist Manifesto when driving under no circumstances.

Refer instead to Transit Manifesto.

L.A. Rain Driving Manifesto is for Los Angelenos only.

Non-Los Angelenos must create their own distinct rain-driving-in-L.A. manifestos (eg, I’m afraid, they drive so fast, wah).

Consider: rain is in opposition to your transit.

But: rain is the definition of rain transit.

(This is a KOAN. See KOAN Manifesto.)

Never contemplate KOANS while L.A. Rain Driving.

Before entering the roadway, wait for gaps between rain drops (“eliding”).

On roadway, pause to wait for gaps (“elide”) between rain drops before continuing.

This may result in STOPS-AND-GOES.

STOPS-AND-GOES are the essential function of L.A. Rain Driving.

Ready? Now you may egress the highway. All is calm, man. All is cool. Don’t freak out. Don’t oh no I HAVE NEVER DRIVEN A CAR BEFORE just take a THIS IS NOT ME ON THIS LICENSE WHO GAVE ME THE POWER TO chill out a little, it’s just a bit of WHAT IS GAS WHAT IS ACCELERATION ACCELERANT HOW DO WE BURN THE WORLD TO PIECES oh IT HURTS WHY TOUCH ANYTHING IT’S ALL WET nothing to be BRAKE BRAKE BRAKE BRAKE oh we’re screwed AHH I HIT YOU I HIT YOU we’re just calm L.A. Drivers in the Rain YOU HIT ME BRAKE BRAKE AHHH WHAT IS HAPPENING AHHH BRAKE AHH WE HIT AGAIN AHHHHH AHHHHH

There. You have made it to a place where your transit has ended. That wasn’t so bad, was it?

Manifesto #17: This. Is. A. Real. Manifesto.

from manifestoagency.com

COURAGEOUS HUMANS/AMBITIOUS BRANDS
We are a brand declaration agency that transforms
brand beliefs into authentic behavior through the 
power of culturally disruptive ideas.

WHAT WE DO
Whether an ethos, a mantra or a maxim, brands 
need a set of beliefs that guide their every 
action. We unlock these beliefs and transform 
them into powerful storytelling platforms, 
designed to inspire, disrupt and create lasting 
impact.

Our litmus is simple: Is it authentic? Is it 
engaging? With artisan intuition and craftsman 
hands, we create high-touch experiences rooted 
in the core of what brands stand for.

SOMETIMES BACON AND VICTORY SMELL STRANGELY FAMILIAR

Manifesto #16: How to Watch James Bond movies

Evening—lights off, curtains drawn.

Wearing your Dsquared2 tuxedo.

Two martinis in.

IMDB at the ready. Eg

Famke Janssen was Xenia Onatopp?

Lois Chiles was Dr. Holly Goodhead??

Wonder: What if Bond girls weren’t women?

What if they were all IT men?

Would that make the films brilliant?

Occasionally shut off the sound and turn the subtitles on.

To speak like James. Naturally.

Is that Robert Shaw?

Speak like Goldfinger, too.

No Mr. Bond, I expect you to die.

Three martinis in.

Wonder: do dead Bond villains gather and watch Bond movies and compare notes and shit-talk James and argue about who’s the best villain and who can say the best villain lines the best?

No Mr. Bond, I expect you to die.

Is that Telly Savalas? Telly Savalas had a #1 UK hit song?? Is it that TERRIBLE???

Adele is a little annoying.

Is that Christopher Walken?